I sort of dropped the ball on the 31 Days Inspired thing. C was gone all last week (and oh the plans I had while he was gone...none of which were accomplished by the way) and we have had a hard week with my stepdad...and to be completely honest...I am not feeling very inspired or inspiring.
But, I am going to try my best to work my way through it. I'm not sure how I even got on the computer, answered emails, and designed today...but I did. I can't help but wonder how people who are permanently conflicted by tragedy function. I suppose in much the same manner as I have today. One foot in front of the other. One day at a time.
My stepfather's tumor has grown. It is now bigger than his heart, which it is attached to. The Dr. didn't have a positive report today...and my heart aches. I'm not sure I have ever dealt with the fear I am feeling right now.
I had a long talk with my mom earlier. We decided that the best course of action is to take what the Dr. said...and file it away. Then, turn our eyes upwards and believe for a miracle. That is basically what our family needs at this time.
Truthfully, it's hard to let go of the fear. Even now...it's a constant battle in my mind...between worst case scenario and believing for healing. It's exhausting, and heartbreaking. BUT...I am not ready to lose my father...and I'm turning to the Father at this time. Miracles happen everyday.
And nothing is more inspiring than a miracle.