ugghhhhaaacccckkkk

Okay...I'm here to vent. It's nearly midnight on Monday night...I should be in bed. Technically...I'm in bed...but I am surrounded by work. Working from bed...that has what it has come to.

Why? You may ask.

Well, one...I am just that lazy. But, mainly because my office is so out of sorts I can't even focus in there. Seriously. I was trying to take notes and lists and I couldn't find any room on my desk for all my stuff. Everything was falling off and spilling and I nearly started crying (Monday, anyone?). 

I left the office and sat at my dining room table....and turns out...it's not much better. Neither is my counter or my entry table or truth be told...my bed..now. 

I'm not ready for an episode of hoarders...it's not that bad. But...if I don't get a grip...I'm going to go crazy. 

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I'm not gonna lie...I love STUFF. I like pretty things and I'm not a big fan of getting rid of them. Unfortunately...this making me crazy now. So, starting tomorrow....it is ON. I am getting rid of EVERYTHING. K, probably not everything...but as much as I can.

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I don't know about y'all...but if my casa is cluttered...I feel like my life is too. And vice versa. There are a lot of things I just need to deal with. So, tonight I am making lists (from bed, of course)...and in between working tomorrow...I'm going to start SIMPLIFYING my life.

I am also making a to-do list for March. Do y'all do that? I think it will help me to have a few goals and a timeline (as I generally just do open ended goals). I will talk more about these in a day or two. I can't believe that it's almost March!

52 books update

I set a lofty goal to read 52 books this year. I knew it was a lot of books, but honestly...I secretly thought it would be cake. I LOVE to read. And...I have the hardest time falling asleep at night...so I usually read until I do fall asleep. 

Apparently...My body wanted to switch things up on me this year. When I read I get so sleepy!! WHAT?!! As I plan on going back to school this summer (no, seriously...I mean it this time)...this new behavior scares me.

But...I've powered through and wanted to update on my latest reads.

I finally finished Deep Dish by Mary Kay Andrews. This one is a big book, and I just couldn't get in to it until about 2/3 of the way through. It took me a couple of weeks to read (as opposed to a couple of days). It was really predictable and not my most favorite book of hers. But, it wasn't awful...and if you like MKA, you might like this one. I am looking forward to reading Hissy Fit by her soon...and then I will have read all of her books under that name (she writes under another name too, I believe). She also has a book coming out this summer. Overall, I really enjoy her writing...just not as much for this particular book

Read Explosive Eighteen by Janet Evanovich about the same time I saw the movie One for the Money..which was kind of fun (it doesn't take much). It was okay. Again, her books are becoming a little repetitive. Does anyone else feel this way? They are fun,easy reads though...and curiosity always gets the best of me, so I will continue to read them.

I read Jennifer Weiner's  Then Came You a couple of weeks ago. It was pretty good. I have read almost all of her books, and for the most part, I enjoy them. However, her books are always so sad to me. I never feel uplifted and happy while reading them. Jennifer is pretty funny on twitter though...wonder why she never puts that humor in her books? 

And, I finished Sophie Kinsella's newest book, I've Got Your Number, last night. Her books, on the other hand, are always fun. This one is really cute. I feel like a lot of the books I read are pretty predictable, I'm not sure if that is because I'm some sort of genius (probably not) or if I read so many books from the same authors I just see where they are going? Still, I think if a books ends just as you expected it would, but you still are wrapped up in it...that is a good book. Right?

I'm reading a short novel right now, and so far, it's just ehhh. I will talk more about that later. I have a ton of books on my "to read" list, but I'm just trying to decide what to read next. So we are about 8 weeks into the year and I've read 6 books. Not too bad.

Do y'all have any book suggestions?

Can't Wait: Clothes

So, I know they say that you shouldn't wait until you lose all your weigh to enjoy things in life. It's also said that losing weight doesn't make everything magically better. And, I get both of these things. But, let's face it...being overweight isn't easy, and for me, a lot of the frustrations I have with my weight are coupled with unhappiness.

There are definitely things I am looking forward to along the journey. Some are serious (my health, having children, etc). Some are crazy (things that skinny people have probably never thought of). And some...like today...are completely vain. However...all of them are important elements of my weight loss.

While the health issues are important, I'm not even lying when I say that one of the things I absolutely cant wait for is for skinny shopping. I love clothes. LOVE them. But, at my weight, I don't love the way clothes look on me. Nothing ever fits, or fits right. Bigger clothes are usually not as cute. And, I just get so frustrated with shopping that I would rather not do it. Serious stuff...considering I love to shop for pretty much anything.

But....I have a feeling that as the pounds continue to come off....things will change. And...I can not wait!!

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Seriously.

And, leave it to Pinterest to get me excited about the shopping that shall take place.

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I haven't worn shorts out in public in several years. First, I'm super pale. I'm okay with that...but pale+fat thighs is not pretty...and I've got a lot of that going on. Can't wait to wear shorts again....especially in Texas summers!

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Love this and the shoes!! I don't wear a lot of heels these days. They don't go so well with yoga pants and hoodies.

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One of my weight loss rewards is my dream boots. I shall wear them with dresses (which I also haven't worn in FOREVER). I plan on retiring the yoga pant/hoodie uniform and trading it in for dresses and boots.

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Cute cute!!!

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Love this dress. I haven't gone sleeveless in many years (the last time was my wedding...and that was just because it was my wedding). I am already starting to see some definition in my arms..which is nice because a few months ago...there was NONE.

Speaking of clothes and can't waits. I have this pair of Ralph Lauren Polo shorts I bought years ago. When I first met C, I had lost a bunch of weight (by starving myself). I still needed to lose about 30lbs and that point...but it was the smallest I'd ever been. I bought these shorts because they were adorable, on sale, and only a size smaller than what I was wearing at the time (bad habit of mine!). Turns out, the run small. So, I could barely get them over my booty at the time. Never wore them.

I found them the other day...and they look so tiny. I thought it would be funny (turns out it was depressing) to see how they would fit. Yeah, not so much. I could get them to my knees. SAD!!  But, one day I will wear those adorable shorts...and I can't wait!!

I'm gonna have C take a picture of me in the shorts (at my knees, no less) when he takes my regular progress pictures next week. I want to keep taking pictures of me in the shorts...and I lose weight...and they inch closer  and closer to my waist. I think it will be fun to see the progress one day!!

Midweek Confessions

No big weigh in announcement this week. Sorry (see number 1 below). But, as I seem to only post on days that I update about my weight loss...I decided it was time for a mass confessional. Thus, I'm linking up with E and her midweek confessions! 

1. I weighed last night. And gained. Only .4 (four tenths). But, STILL! I was a dangerous combination of heartbroken and incredibly angry...and I'm almost positive it wasn't pretty. But, I made myself stay for the meeting (knew I would start sulking if I didn't) and by the time I got home...I was almost done with my pity party. Today, woke up 4 lbs lighter than I did yesterday and ready to tackle the week. I think my body is just sort of adjusting to the rapid weight loss (rapid, for me anyway)...and it needed a week to be stubborn. I wrote last week that I was in this for the long haul...and I meant it. Now, I think maybe I'm being tested! haha. Anyway...here's to a more successful (and less dramatic) weigh in next week.

2. I am seriously thinking about closing my twitter account. I don't tweet that much...but I do spend a lot of time on there when I'm bored (or when I think I'm bored...). With twitter, facebook, email, blogging, instagram and pinterest....It's all a little overwhelming. I'm scared I'm going to miss something. Ha!

3. Speaking of giving up things. Today is Ash Wednesday. I grew up in a church that practiced Lent, but I no longer belong to that church (or denomination). But, I got to thinking about it today during my walk and decided I might make a sacrifice for the next 40 (um, 39) days. Not because I feel like it is necessary, but because I think I am always in need of an opportunity to grow in my walk. In all honesty...I have felt pretty detached lately, and haven't even been to church in a couple of weeks. So...I have a plan for then next 39 days...to wake up when C goes to work. It's early, early. We are talking the middle of my night (as I'm practically nocturnal)...but I think it will be good for me to spend some time in the word, get my workout done earlier...and let's face it...have more time to get things done around here! I'm praying praying praying I can find the strength to do so tomorrow. It's SO hard for me to get up early!

4. I love Kelly's idea of sending a note to someone each day for the next 40 days...and I decided to do that as well. I sent my first note today (to my Grandmother...thanking her for being my biggest cheerleader!). I am SOOO excited to do this. 

5.  I'm SO over Biggest Loser this season. Do y'all watch? The very first week I had a bad feeling about Conda...and it's only gotten worse. Then, it was pretty much every member of the red team (except Roy and Nancy). And...after last night...I'm over the black team. I'm even a little upset with the trainers (cause you know they all care what I think!). I read earlier that the remaining contestants at the ranch walked out today and threatened to quit. Remember when the show was inspiring and motivating? I just get aggravated when I watch now. I may be in need of a life.

6. My cat is fat. We only give him about a cup of food a day...so it's not like we are overfeeding him.  But..he is just so fluffy! He cracks me up with this way he lays down. He just stretches out and kind of falls into this. 

weight loss update

aka: twenty, twenty, twenty!!

Y'all...I am just beyond excited to share that I hit the TWENTY pound mark last night!!

I had a feeling I would, as I was down 18.6 the previous week. However, I didn't work out quite as much last week and I feel like we went out for Mexican food like every night. I do pretty good at restaurants but those darn chips and salsa get the best of me sometime!!!

C and I had a dinner date last night (not Mexican!...haha), so he actually took me to my meeting. I invited him in to see what the meetings were like and also be there if/when I got my 5lb star sticker (it is shameful how excited I get over those little stickers!). Anyway, I lost 2.2 last week and that put me just over 20 pounds!!

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I think I might have gained a partner in crime to go to the meetings with me...which I love. A girl I went to school with is thinking about joining!! YAY!! AND...and this is HUGE...I got an email message last night from someone asking me (ME!) for weight loss advice. I nearly fell out of my chair!

I can't tell you how many times I have seen other people have success and want their advice or just their encouragement. I've even been known to email a few people myself. It seems so foreign to have someone actually email me.

I am very proud of myself. I am proud of the weight that I have lost. I enjoy getting emails, texts, phone calls of uplifting messages from friends and family. It's a great motivator and it definitely makes each weigh in fun. But, I am still overweight and have such a long road ahead of me. I have so much to learn about diet/nutrition/fitness.....and myself. Any time (and there haven't been that many) I have had success in the past, I got overconfident and totally lost focus. I refuse to let that happen this time. I have a goal. It is firmly fixed in my mind. It's a long, long way away...but I see it as clearly as if it were 2lbs from here. I don't care if it takes me 6 months or 6 years (though, hopefully not!) to get there...I will get there!!

time well spent

In the middle of cooking dinner, my mom text me to remind me the Grammy's were on. There was once a time in my life where I stalked any and all award shows. I knew all the celebrities, all the gossip and all the songs.

Awww...the good ole days of youth.

I don't think I have ever felt as old as I did tonight. All because of some silly little awards show.

I spent half of the evening asking the tv "who?", and a good portion of the remaining time I had that "racket" turned down. Clearly, I'm getting old.

However, there were some bright spots in the evening.

The loveliest of lovelies...Adele. If I could pull off that hair/makeup/clothing...I would everyday...even while grocery shopping. I kid...NOT. I think I may have been born in the wrong era.

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This wasn't her performance tonight...but it is my favorite song of hers. Girl can sing. As much as I wish I could sing like her...I will admit that I wish I could talk like her too. It's so hard for me to hear a British accent and not try and repeat it. Wonder if people feel the same way about my hick twang?

Probably not.

Next favorite? The Band Perry. Duh.

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While their tribute to Glen Campbell was sweet, I wish they would have done one of their own songs. Truth be told, I would have rather watched them sleep than some of what was on the stage tonight.

My favorite TBP song...right now. They will be in town this coming Saturday. I kept putting off tickets. And now? Sold out. You'd think I would learn to quit procrastinating one of these days. You'd think.

Of course, here I sit, blogging about watching television when I have laundry to do and emails to answer. I'll never learn.

weight loss update

I haven't been spending much time on the computer here lately. Odd, considering I felt like I was on it ALL the time before. Also, all of my income comes from working on the computer. Obviously, my little vacation from this desk needs to be nipped in the bud. Like, yesterday!

I did go to my weigh in on Tuesday. I wasn't really sure what to expect. I have a scale at home, and it has always been pretty accurate to the scale at WW. 

Then, I noticed it was running about 2lbs heavy.

Then, I gained two pounds (according to the home scale).

Then, I started to panic.

I have kept pretty much the same eating routine since the beginning of January. The only new change I have made is working out again. For now, it's just walking...but a lot of it.  I couldn't figure out why I was gaining.

So, when I went to my meeting Tuesday night...I had all kinds of anxiety. Which seems silly now, because I lost 3.4 lbs. YAY!  I am down 18.6 lbs and I am beginning to see a difference in some of my clothes. Yay!

While I am really excited about this, I also just feel this overwhelming sense of "so what". I know that sounds silly, but...I have such a LONG road ahead of me..18.6 lbs feels like a drop in the bucket. 

I keep telling myself that I haven't lost this much weight in a long, long time. And the two times in my life I have lost a significant amount of weight, I did it by starving. So...when I started eating...I started gaining...and I did it QUICK. 

This time, I am making real changes. I track everything I eat. Okay, more like 98% , but still. I am drinking a ton of water. No regular soda (5 weeks and counting!). I do have diet coke a couple of times a week. (SO BAD!). And, I've had green tea a couple of times...oh, and milk. I eat several fruits and veggies every day. And I am working out pretty much every day. I know this is something I can do the rest of my life...and I also know, it is something I have to do the rest of my life. 

After my weigh in, I went to Target for some shopping. While I was there, I thought I would check out the fitness aisle. I picked up a 20lb kettle ball. Well, I tried to just pick it up real quick with one hand...and COULD NOT DO IT. Partly, because I'm kind of a weakling. Mostly because...y'all...20lbs is heavy!! While I admit the first thought in my head was "think of how many of these you are carrying around extra everyday", I made sure to spend some time and focus on the fact that at least I am carrying around one less 20lb kettle ball every day. It's crazy to think that less than 2 months ago...I was carrying that around all day. ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY. 

Anyway, that's pretty much my biggest struggle during this weight loss journey....my mentality. I mean, it's fine as far as knowing what I have to do, and doing it. It's the constant weighing my progress against the big picture.  So that is what I am really trying to work on right now. I want to really take time and celebrate every loss. I am working hard for them (though, not as hard as you would think). And, every pound adds up. Here in a couple of months, I know I will have lost more than I will still need to lose...and I can not wait to celebrate that!

a new focus

via

I first started blogging almost 7 years ago.

I was a college student, living at home, scrapbooking ALL the time. Blogging was like the new "it" thing to do with all the girls on the boards at two peas. And, like any impressionable girl will do, I joined the blogging masses.

At first, all I posted was my scrapbook pages. Exciting, I know. But wait, it gets more interesting: I then got comfortable enough to ramble on about my daily activities. That has been the focus of my blog for the last several years.

But, here lately...I'm just not feeling it. To be completely honest...some days weeks nothing remotely interesting happens to babble on about. Not that anything really ever did. Apparently, I'm pretty boring. And so, all to often, my blog sits empty. Not fun!

I can't tell you how many times I have set down to post something new in the last few weeks. I usually just stare at the screen. Eventually, I find my way to pinterest and long forget that I even have a blog.

Incidentally, while browsing pinterest tonight, I decided to blog about my journey. It's really quite a brilliant thought...you know...seeing how my blog is called "on this journey" and all. In all fairness, when I came up with that title...I was referring to the entire journey (life) that I'm on...not just one thing in particular. Basically..it was a fancy way of saying "my daily rambles".

However...right now, I am on a specific journey, a journey to find myself (doesn't that sound cheesy?).

via

On January 3rd of this year (exactly one month ago today) I experienced what I consider "the last straw" with my health.  That afternoon, I poured out my regular soda and pretty much made a 180 degree change in my food and exercise behavior.  Right now, almost every minute of my waking hours are dialed in on this lifestyle change. And, for the first time in my life...I am finally confident that "this is the time"....the time I change my life.

And while I make no promises to end my rambling (it's what I do)...I at least feel like these posts will have a purpose.

I'm not saying every post will be about weight loss, working out, or you know...sneaking spinach into your diet. I'm sure I will still throw in exciting things from my life...on the rare occasion they happen.

But, I am focused on this little journey of mine...whatever it is, and wherever it takes me....and...I hope you will come along for the ride.